runcentralpark

I had a really nice Christmas. My MeMe left this morning and it was really good seeing her since I hardly get to see her since she lives in Florida. I got an Ipod Nano...but it didn't come yet...can't wait!!! Tiffany ordered it for me with the engraving..."I love Central Park...Pinky Swear...Kristy" The Central Park part is obvious but the pinky swear part is a little inside thing with Diana and Lynn...it helps remind me that I have two people, who mean a hell of a lot to me...who support me and care...

Oh...I got tickets for Tiffany and I to go see Woody Allen's new film at the Beekman on the opening day, Wednesday!! Can't wait to be back in MY city again! We are going to the 7pm screening. Yeah!!! :)

Ok...I think I have been home long enough. All I did today was slept. Probably because I started retaking my prozac yesterday and I didn't take my adderall today. Opps! I forgot! Which was really stupid on my part because it makes me never feel hungry. Getting my psychiatrist to prescribe it was the best thing in the world.

I am so bored. There really isn't much to do here. Yesterday Tiff and I went to the mall and that was fun but other then that...I am lost at what to do!

I really hope that there is not a transit strike in NYC...I was going to go back with Tiffany. Woody Allen's new movie is being released a month early in the NYC theaters. But if there is a transit strike, things are going to be crazy there.

I don't know what else to write so maybe I will just get a shower and go to bed. It is absolutely FREEZING in my house right now! I can't stand it!

Well...I am back in Jersey. I stopped by my dad's store on my way back. I made great time and was in Barnegat by 7:30. Then I went over to Meg's to hang out. I got Emily a Penn State Cheerleader outfit. She looked adorable in it!!! Chris, Anderson, Sergio, and my sister all just sat around and talked and joked. It was great to see everyone again. We watched a movie while Megan decorated her Christmas tree.

Today Tiffany and I went to the mall...fun...fun...fun! It was packed!

I am really loving this adderall. It is totally awesome because you really don't get hungry when you are taking it! SWEET!!!

Hugs!

Yippee it is snowing! I was suppose to go back to Jersey tomorrow but I have decided to put that off until the roads are safe. That's fine by me because that means I can go to the gym instead!!! :)

Speaking of the gym...I got up at 6am and worked out (my 4th day this week), then went to Ritenour and picked up my prescription (PROZAC and ADDERALL!!!), and then went to Zee's. I ended up leaving Zee's early due to the icy roads. I hope I am able to go to Zee's tomorrow...

I had to go downtown and pick up a few Christmas presents...PSU stuff!!! Then Karey and I just hung out. Romicko went to NYC...I'm jealous!

Here's my plan for tomorrow...
6am gym
9am Zee's

Pack for Jersey
Clean my room

Drink...lots of water (adderall makes you sooooo thirsty!)
sugar free candy
yogurt

Hugs

Just got back from a party with Karey. Quite eventful...as usual when we are together. So we get to the apartment the party is at and was driving around looking for a spot to park. Due to the snow you couldn't tell which ones where visitors and which ones aren't....so we just parked anywhere. Upon leaving we went to every parking lot and couldn't find Karey's car....IT WAS TOWED!!! Yes...can you believe it??? And only 8 minutes before we left!!! CRAZY!

So we spent a great deal at the tow place and got her car back!! Although...we are both laughing now. It's always exciting when we are together!!!

Oh, good news...I got my psychiatrist to give me Adderall and Prozac...sweet!!! Yeah, I heard adderall is a great dieting drug! Can't wait!!! I am taking it to Ritenour tomorrow!!!

Off to the shower I have an early day tomorrow...gym, pharmacy, Zee, and it's suppose to snow. I hope not too much because I am suppose to go to NJ Friday.

Hugs!

I am so disappointed...I am sooooo fat. I hate the way I look!!! Why can't I just have more willpower????? Karey and I went out to eat...I totally binged. (Most of it rather healthy...salad, broccoli, talipia fish...and of course ice cream to end it...you know what that was for!!! LOL! Thank goodness for ice cream!!!) I had such a good day too...then I blew it!!!

Tomorrow I am getting up at 6am again and going to the gym before taking Zee to school. I have found that that keeps me from eating at all with Zee at school. I sort of feel bad because all the teachers sit and eat with the kids the lunches they have at nursery school are really good...(they have a private cook) I am a horrible role model. And everyday the kids ask me why I don't eat. How do you explain an eating disorder to a 3 year old? Heck...how do you explain an eating disorder to anyone who doesn't have one? But if I would eat that would only set me up...then in a few hours I would crave more food. If I totally abstain from it...I am better off. My goal is to cut back on my b/p...to be more ana.

It is soooooo cold here. So cold that the vein in my hand broke and now I have this gross black and blue mark on the front of it! What's up with that? I wasn't outside very long today. I wonder if it could be from ed???

I finished my last exam last night!!! Yeah!!! :)

Today I was able to totally focus on having fun at nursery school with Zee! It was wonderful! He is such a great kid. It is an absolute pleasure to work with him. We have nursery school again tomorrow and then we are going to Slinky Zone on Thursday! He is sooooo excited!

Today I had therapy with Leslie. She wants me to stop the diet pills. Easier said then done. Tomorrow is the big day....will the psychiatrist give me Adderall???? Keep your fingers crossed! Leslie thinks that I would be able to focus better if I didn't take so many diet pills. But I don't agree with that. Afterall, I have been taking diet pills since I was 15 and it was only recently that my attention span has really gotten worse.

But the thing is...I know she is right...I know diet pills aren't good...I know all this but yet I continue to take them. What is wrong with me????

I had a pretty good day...woke up and went to the gym at 6am...left for Zee's right from the gym...nursery school...80 calorie yogurt drink...went to therapy...salad...purged...but no real binge! :) But man do I really want to right now!!! It is killing me!!!

I had my group final exam this morning. It wasn't too bad but that isn't the one I was most concerned with anyways. The exam I have tonight is the one I am worried about! I should have put more effort into studying but I am really having a difficult time focusing. I don't know what my problem is but it is getting worse. Luckily after tonight's exam I will be done. I am going back to New Jersey on Friday (probably).

I got up at 6:00 this morning and went to the gym. I always feel so much better after I work out. It makes the day more tolerable. Plus, I don't feel as guilty for being lazy. Now I can face the day! Unfortunately, I am still fat!!!

Tomorrow I am in nursery school with my client and then have therapy with Leslie at 1:00. I really like my therapist. She was actually my therapist when I was an undergrad here too! I think I may go do a little Christmas shopping afterwards. I haven't started yet! Opps! Wednesday I am in nursery school and then I have supervision for work and then I go to my first appointment with my new psychiatrist. I am sooooo sick of seeing soooooo many doctors. Then I have Ann and Amy's party to go to. I am going to make cupcakes for it. Wednesday is a very busy day for me. On Thursday I am taking Zee to the Slinky Zone in Altoona. I have never been there but it is supposedly this really fun place for kids to play. His family is coming with us. On Friday I will work in the morning and then stop by and visit my dad and then head to Jersey.

I can't wait to get WaWa coffee!!!

Another exciting afternoon. After work I went to the library and studied for my "group therapy" final but I still have to study for my CN ED 597 final. I swear to god, I have ADHD. I actually have an appointment with a psychiatrist on Wednesday to be evaluated for ADHD. My real goal is to be prescribed adderall. I heard it is like speed and gives you all this energy and helps people totally concentrate on their school work. Plus, it helps you lose weight because you are never hungry. I hope he gives it to me!!! I have been studying the symptoms and everything...

Oh...get this...I got an email from a professor for a class I am taking NEXT semester...WE ALREADY HAVE A READING ASSIGNMENT!!! As Jolynn would say, "What's up with that?". :) It was bad enough that I had to visit an art exhibit for her class last week, but come on...I don't even own the book yet! The art exhibit I could semi-understand because it was going to be leaving the museum...but giving us a reading assignment??? Come on...that is too much! It looks like I will be heading to the bookstore this week!

Ok...better get back to studying. I HAVE TO DO WELL!!!!

I am getting ready to leave for work. Here's today's plan 9:30-12:30 work, 1:00 take Josh to Walmart for medicine, 2:00-???? go to the library and study study study!!!!

I will not eat!!! I will not b/p!!! Nothing today except coffee and my fasting tea! I can do this. I WILL DO THIS! I MUST DO THIS!

Hugs!

So here I am...I should be studying for my 2 finals on Monday but all I can think about is how much I miss Central Park. I wish I could do a couple laps around the reservoir...I bet it looks beautiful with the fresh snow!!!

Starting tomorrow I am starting my diet. Green tea...diet pills...water...sugar free popsicles...I need to lose weight NOW! My goal is to be thin by the end of the spring semester...I spent most of my summer at Renfrew and I feel so fat right now. I hate the way I look. I am fat, ugly, hideous! Never again. I am posting it on this website so I will stick to it. My new years resolution is starting tonight. I WILL BE THIN EVEN IF IT KILLS ME!!!